In the middle of the night when all the world is asleep, Jasmin lies in my arms and feeds.
In the middle of the day when all the world is busy, Jasmin lies in my arms and feeds.
When she is upset, or when she is tired, or when she just needs mummy, Jasmin lies in my arms and feeds.
She is nearly seven months old.
I stopped breastfeeding Milin when he was seven months. I cried and grieved for those precious moments we would never have again. But my time feeding Milin ended naturally. He was choosing bottles over me, knowing they filled him up more. And then I was unwell, to ill to feed for a few days, and then, not really able to give him much. That last morning, in my bed, he had a little and then turned his head away. After that, he thrived. He gained weight finally, he slept better, he was more settled.
Everything is different with Jasmin.
Now, at nearly seven months, she won’t take a bottle and so I have no intention of giving up breastfeeding. I don’t mind. I love the moments we share when she feeds. I love it when she looks up at me and holds my gaze. I love it when she reaches her hand out to touch my face. I love it when she grasps my fingers with her own tiny, soft hands.
I feel so honoured to have breastfed both of my children. For us, it has been a wondrous journey. It is a journey on which Jasmin and I still have some way to travel together. In the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, when she needs calming or just wants her mummy…. they are precious moments and I am trying to make the most of them all.
I could never have imagined, before feeding my children, the complete joy it would bring. I could never have expected to feel so proud at being able to nurture them in this way. I could never have understood how feeding my children would teach me so much about them. I could never have known how close we would become in the moments when it feels like there is nothing else happening in the world.
My body made me a mother before my children were born. My body continues to make me a mother now that my children are here with me.
Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone. But for me and Jasmin, it’s proving to be a beautiful journey.
